YUMMommy

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  • Maybe I’m Selfish

    Today, it hit like a sag of rocks that my little Moo is growing up on me.  And if I’m being totally honest I have to say that I don’t like it one bit. I know, I know…I should probably be glad that she is learning to do certain things for herself such as walking, taking off her shoes and socks (and hat on occasion), holding her own cup and more.  Call me selfish or crazy but I want to rewind the clock all the way to the beginning.

    As I watched her walk around, it crossed my mind that in 8 months she’ll be 2 and then before I know it she’ll be 18 and leaving the nest.  Just the thought of her not needing me anymore kinda scare me.  I mean if I’m breaking down now because she can climb on the sofa by herself, what am I going to do when she starts picking out her own clothes?  I know some of you are thinking that I should just have another kid, but to be honest I just like having my one.  It took me years to get to the point that it dawned on me that I would actually like to give this mommy thing a try.

    Let’s not add the fact that my current situation is a little complicated at the moment.  The love I feel for her is so overwhelming that I can’t envision being able to give the same love to a 2nd child.  But then maybe we’re meant to love each one of our kids differently.  As the second oldest of five, I know for a fact the my parents love each of us differently and at times it bothers me.  I just don’t want to risk putting any child in this same position.

    Not to mention, Moo totally enjoys having me all to herself.  Another child anytime soon would just crush her.  Then there’s the fact that I have fibroids that grow and shrink on my right ovary.  I was so uncomfortable my entire 9 months and got so sick of people asking if I was having twins.  If only storks could really just drop the baby off at your door step.

    However, all the pain and months of discomfort were worth it. Now I just want her to need me a little while longer… Ok forever maybe.  Having Moo transformed me somehow.  I’m shaping a life here. Wow!!  That is just still totally amazing to me.  No matter how selfish I feel the urge to be, I won’t smother her.  Instead, I’ll sit back and watch my caterpillar morph into the soaring butterfly she’s becoming.

  • And You Call This An Easter Egg Hunt?

    Happy Good Friday to All.  I just want to first take the time out to say how thankful I am that Jesus loved us all enough to die for our sins and that God had enough mercy that He sent his ONLY son here to Earth to give us the gift of eternal life.  Eternal life is better than anything you could ever buy from Tiffany and Co.  Next, I want to apologize for having kind of neglected my blog.  I’ve been ubber busy with trying to keep the ball rolling on my YUMM brand.

    Now that we have that out of the way….  Let me tell you, I have been waiting for the day when Moo would be able to appreciate the fun and novelty of things like opening presents Christmas morning, Trick-or-Treating, etc.  Well, she’s 15 months and finally walking.  So, I decided that it would be a great idea to take her to an Easter Egg Hunt sponsored by our town at the local park this past Wednesday.  I was super excited thinking about the thousands of eggs they’d have scattered about for the kids to find.  And I grew especially excited when they advertised that there would be a few golden eggs that you could redeem for a special prize mixed in.

    They also advertised cash give-a-ways and an appearance by the Easter Bunny as well as a moon bounce and slide.  I think that my inner child was wiggling with delight at thoughts of all the wonderfulness that I was sure would take place.  I was so excited that I made a status post about it on Facebook. Memories of past Easter Egg Hunts from when I was a child danced in my head.  I remember all the fun my siblings and I had and all of the free goodies we got.

    So, you can imagine my extreme disappoint when I showed at the park and saw that the Egg Hunts, I had experienced and been dreaming of was just that-a dream. From what I could see as I drove up the Easter Egg Hunt they had advertised looked more like one big moon bounce and slide party.  First, we had a hard time finding the registration table to drop off our hunting licenses.  Then, the PA System they were using was so crappy, you could barely hear as they counted down to the beginning of the hunt.

    Walking to the football field, where the 5 and under were suppose to hunt, I reminded myself that finding one of those golden eggs would make it all worth while.  Only when I reached the starting line, what I remembered as being thousands of scattered eggs was more like twenty scattered eggs.  My little sister turned to me and said “We came out in this hot weather for this?  Five stinking eggs?”  I thought I was the only one who could clearly see that there was something very wrong with the number of eggs that had been put out?

    I could hear other parents crumbling about the lack of abundance of eggs.  This wasn’t some last minute Egg Hunt thrown together by a local family.  This was an event organized by Town Hall.  The economy is bad but I mean we have a Dollar Tree and other Dollar stores they could have went to and purchased eggs.  Then to make matters worse they announce that instead of having golden eggs, they put slips of gold paper in a few of the eggs.

    Just freaking fantastic.  The hunt starts and you have parents mowing over other children in an effort to make sure that their daughter/son is one of the few who gets an egg.  And of course, we all want to be one of the few who find an egg with a slip of paper in it at least.  Literally, the whistle blew at 5:30 and the hunt ended exactly 5:32.  I could not believe it.  This was a huge waste of time and excitement.

    I looked down and saw that between Moo and I, we had succeeded in only collecting five pastel colored eggs.  As my sister and niece came walking back towards us, I saw that she had collected only five eggs as well. So, we decide to check and see if we had an egg with a gold slip of paper. No luck. Just a bunch of candy. As we look around, we see that all the other parents are cracking open eggs in search of gold slips too. Nothing.

    So, as we’re walking away from the football field, we see lots of kids with sad faces.  Many complaining that they didn’t even get a single egg.  One little girl cried as she said “Mommy, I only got half a egg.”  I felt bad for her. I thought about Moo and my niece and how crushed they would have been if they hadn’t gotten any eggs either. I was momentarily grateful for their five eggs each.

    It’s easy to get children’s hopes up.  And as adults when we don’t deliver what we’ve promised they end up crushed, hurt and in tears.  Sure there was a nice big moon bounce and a giant bouncy slide, but what about the Eggs and special prizes and the mia Easter bunny?  I can’t believe they took the time to advertise that hot mess they tried to pass off as an Easter Egg Hunt.  Next year, I will stick to my usual backyard Easter Egg Hunt where I hide at least 60 eggs just for my niece and Moo to find.

  • And You Call This An Easter Egg Hunt?

    Happy Good Friday to All.  I just want to first take the time out to say how thankful I am that Jesus loved us all enough to die for our sins and that God had enough mercy that He sent his ONLY son here to Earth to give us the gift of eternal life.  Eternal life is better than anything you could ever buy from Tiffany and Co.  Next, I want to apologize for having kind of neglected my blog.  I’ve been ubber busy with trying to keep the ball rolling on my YUMM brand.

    Now that we have that out of the way….  Let me tell you, I have been waiting for the day when Moo would be able to appreciate the fun and novelty of things like opening presents Christmas morning, Trick-or-Treating, etc.  Well, she’s 15 months and finally walking.  So, I decided that it would be a great idea to take her to an Easter Egg Hunt sponsored by our town at the local park this past Wednesday.  I was super excited thinking about the thousands of eggs they’d have scattered about for the kids to find.  And I grew especially excited when they advertised that there would be a few golden eggs that you could redeem for a special prize mixed in.

    They also advertised cash give-a-ways and an appearance by the Easter Bunny as well as a moon bounce and slide.  I think that my inner child was wiggling with delight at thoughts of all the wonderfulness that I was sure would take place.  I was so excited that I made a status post about it on Facebook. Memories of past Easter Egg Hunts from when I was a child danced in my head.  I remember all the fun my siblings and I had and all of the free goodies we got.

    So, you can imagine my extreme disappoint when I showed at the park and saw that the Egg Hunts, I had experienced and been dreaming of was just that-a dream. From what I could see as I drove up the Easter Egg Hunt they had advertised looked more like one big moon bounce and slide party.  First, we had a hard time finding the registration table to drop off our hunting licenses.  Then, the PA System they were using was so crappy, you could barely hear as they counted down to the beginning of the hunt.

    Walking to the football field, where the 5 and under were suppose to hunt, I reminded myself that finding one of those golden eggs would make it all worth while.  Only when I reached the starting line, what I remembered as being thousands of scattered eggs was more like twenty scattered eggs.  My little sister turned to me and said “We came out in this hot weather for this?  Five stinking eggs?”  I thought I was the only one who could clearly see that there was something very wrong with the number of eggs that had been put out?

    I could hear other parents crumbling about the lack of abundance of eggs.  This wasn’t some last minute Egg Hunt thrown together by a local family.  This was an event organized by Town Hall.  The economy is bad but I mean we have a Dollar Tree and other Dollar stores they could have went to and purchased eggs.  Then to make matters worse they announce that instead of having golden eggs, they put slips of gold paper in a few of the eggs.

    Just freaking fantastic.  The hunt starts and you have parents mowing over other children in an effort to make sure that their daughter/son is one of the few who gets an egg.  And of course, we all want to be one of the few who find an egg with a slip of paper in it at least.  Literally, the whistle blew at 5:30 and the hunt ended exactly 5:32.  I could not believe it.  This was a huge waste of time and excitement.

    I looked down and saw that between Moo and I, we had succeeded in only collecting five pastel colored eggs.  As my sister and niece came walking back towards us, I saw that she had collected only five eggs as well. So, we decide to check and see if we had an egg with a gold slip of paper. No luck. Just a bunch of candy. As we look around, we see that all the other parents are cracking open eggs in search of gold slips too. Nothing.

    So, as we’re walking away from the football field, we see lots of kids with sad faces.  Many complaining that they didn’t even get a single egg.  One little girl cried as she said “Mommy, I only got half a egg.”  I felt bad for her. I thought about Moo and my niece and how crushed they would have been if they hadn’t gotten any eggs either. I was momentarily grateful for their five eggs each.

    It’s easy to get children’s hopes up.  And as adults when we don’t deliver what we’ve promised they end up crushed, hurt and in tears.  Sure there was a nice big moon bounce and a giant bouncy slide, but what about the Eggs and special prizes and the mia Easter bunny?  I can’t believe they took the time to advertise that hot mess they tried to pass off as an Easter Egg Hunt.  Next year, I will stick to my usual backyard Easter Egg Hunt where I hide at least 60 eggs just for my niece and Moo to find.

  • You Have Not Because You Ask Not!!

    Let me first start off by saying Good Day everyone!!  Happy Women’s History Month to all of my fabulous ladies out there. This world would truly be lost without the female touch.  Now, back to the topic at hand.  I’m a Christian and a stronger believer in signs from God.

    Now, I’m not a perfect Christian or one of those Holier Than Thou types, but my relationship with the Man Upstairs is tight.  Anyways, this Tuesday, I was riding in the car with my mom running errands.  And she started talking about how I’ve been slacking with getting my brand off the ground.  In my defense, I am a single mom of one very busy one year old who seems to stay in the doctor’s office a lot.  That’s another story.

    I’m telling her my idea and what I need for it to take off and she says “You have not because you ask not.  Dare to ask for what you need.”  I was giving what she said some serious thought when I heard Steve Harvey closing out his Morning Show.  He was talking about how he was reading one of Joel Olsteen’s books. And he writes awesome books by the way.  The book talks about how we often times forget that when we’re praying, we’re praying to GOD!!!  Like if God can’t do it no one can, but yet some of us are too shy to pray bold prayers.

    And the next words out of Steve’s mouth were “The good book says ‘you have not because you ask not’.”  I thought ok, this is a sign. And if I didn’t already know God was trying to send me a message, I heard the same words from somebody else.  So, I am refocused, remotivated and determined to make Young Urban Modern Mommies a success.  I have been trying to do everything myself, but I can’t.  Therefore, I am asking and calling for writers with expertise in the following:

    • Beauty Writer-You don’t have to me a mom, but a beauty license would be helpful. 
    • Pediatricians/Family Doctors-Looking for people to answer questions from readers & write monthly articles on all things involving children’s health.
    • Fashion Writers-Being a mom is a demanding job, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it in style. Looking for experienced stylists to highlight the latest trends in maternity wear, post pregnancy wear & children’s wear.
    • Moms-Each of us has a different story.  Why not share yours with someone else.

    So, if you’re interested contact me at yummommy@gmail.com.

  • Raising Killers

         I have to say that Essence has done well since it’s make over earlier last year.  Their content game has stepped up immensely.  Reading yet another article from their December ’09 issue Blood on Our Hands, I once again felt inclined to put my two cents worth out there.

         I’m sure that we all heard about the senseless murder of 16 year honor student Derrion Albert of Chicago.  Albert’s brutal murder made headline news around the nation after video of him being stomped in the head and beat with railroad ties by four of his teenage peers surfaced on the internet.  I have to admit that when the story first broke, I become so disgusted with the news media for playing the video of his beating over and over.  Personally, I felt like they were disrespecting and being insensitive to Albert’s family and friends by repeatedly showing it.

         Not to mention, I could only imagine the criminals who were responsible for his tragic departure watching with their chests puffed out like they had just saved a group of people from a burning building or something.  Even more disturbing was the fact that an onlooker took the time to actually stand and record Albert’s murder and later post it to the web.  I can’t help but wonder why no one came to that boy’s rescue?  I’m sure that there were more than enough bystanders on the street that they could have overtaken the mob of teens and prevented him from getting killed.  Yet no one even tried to rush to his aid.

         Instead, you had people just looking on like they were watching their favorite sitcom.  A few people were running to find a safe haven and then of course their were those recording it with their camera phones like they were recording a celebrity sighting to send to their friends.  As writer Steve Perry pointed out in the article, Albert’s murder is quickly becoming a norm throughout Black communities across America.  At the time Perry wrote the article, 40 kids had already fallen victim to the same fate as Derrion Albert.  Each violently killed and ganged up on by a group of their peers.

         But why are the Black youth of America resorting to such violent behavior at an alarming rate?  While many “critics pointed the finger at the police and school policies,”  I completely agreed with Perry that we as parents and guardians are solely at fault.  Perry says, “White people, the media and police cannot be blamed or held responsible for how we raise our children.  We should be held accountable for creating a culture of violence that cheapens Black life.

         “…We opened another storefront or mega-church that raises more money than children.  Our civil rights organizations are reduced to scholarship dinners rather than producing scholars.  We teach our kids to ‘hit back’ instead of respecting their teachers.  We tell them that ‘if you lose the fight, I’m beating your ass when you get home.’  We read thug fiction and pump thug music.”  And our children are listening and seeing all of that.

         While you’re busy breaking your neck to become part those mega-churches, you forget that T.D. Jakes and those other pastors you see on TBN have raised their children.  And guess what they were raised right.  My feeling on creating churches so big that the only members the pastor knows by name are his own family and the members who write checks with lots of zeros is that a church should never become so out of touch.  I feel like as a pastor it is your duty to get to know your flock on a personal level.  As the shepherd of God’s people, you should be able to spot when one of your sheep is going astray.

         Also, with everyone using the Race Card even in situations where its not applicable, it does make our civil rights organizations more hesitant to form movements.  So, yes they just hold scholarship dinners and banquets selling tickets for $30 to $50.  I have to admit that most of the people I know who received college funds from groups like the NAACP didn’t deserve it.  They were far from scholarly, ending up on academic probation before the close of their freshman year.

         I know we’ve all seen stories on the news where teachers are being put on trial for mistreating their students, but as someone who’s worked in the school system you get tired of trying to be a parent to kids that aren’t yours and don’t appreciate what you try to do for them.  A lot of great teachers are abandoning the teaching field because they can’t teach anymore.  Instead, they spend almost the whole class period teaching your child about the importance of having manners.  Black parents seem to use the excuse that school is suppose to be their child’s home away from home.

         Newsflash, the only schools that should be your child’s home away from home are boarding schools, military schools and college.  Regular public and private schools are learning facilities not daycare for teens and adolescents.   Schools were much better when paddling was an option for punishment.  Now days, principals can’t  scare these kids good by giving them a pink piece of paper to take for Mom to sign since Dad has usually split already.  Half those kids are forging their parent’s signature before the ink has dried and are shoving it back across the principal’s desk like ‘Now what?!’

         If you’re too lazy to use a condom (guys) or take your birth control (ladies) like you’re suppose to then get snipped.  These kids don’t ask to be here and it’s not far they get treated like an unwanted puppy because neither the mom or the dad wants to be a parent.  If you don’t want kids keep your legs closed and guys keep your fly zipped.  I’m all for pro choice, but after the second abortion these girls should be required to either get on a birth control like Mirena or have their tubes tied.

         There is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy.  You had sex.  Therefore, you know that you might get pregnant.  Condoms and birth control are not 100% fool proof.  The safest kinds of sex you can are (1) No sex, (2) Phone sex, and (3) Cyber sex.   Not even oral sex is safe because you’re still putting yourself at risk for getting an STD.  It’s 2010, we have to be smart about who we’re sleeping with.

         Also, why aren’t we teaching our kids to solve their beefs in a more nonviolent way?  Why do we feel like the only way to defend our pride is with our fists, guns, or knives?  Seriously, we have a war going on in which innocent men and women are losing their lives to bring peace and you’re encouraging your kid to fight because somebody stepped on his Jordans?!  There is something very twisted about that.

        No wonder other countries hate us and attempt to wipe us from the face of the planet.  We have been blessed so much and are so unthankful.  We have no morals or respect. Anything goes here in America.  We don’t know the meaning of the word United.  The US couldn’t be more separated and screwed up if we tried.  Am I the only one who sees something wrong with being able to be a fighter as a profession?

         Like is that the greatest dream our kids can have?  To grow up and get paid for whipping the crap out of some innocent person because some sadistic animal of a person wants to actually watch and enjoys it.  And let’s be real.  Why is it that we encourage our kids to be the next TO instead of the next Ben Carson?  Have we completely bought into the stereotype that we’re only good for using our bodies?

         Why not push your child to enter a field that is more rewarding emotionally than materialistically?  You can support their sports dreams, but make sure they know the truth about their chances of going pro.  Getting drafted is harder than winning the Power Ball.  Push them to have a back up plan.  Push them to finish college.  If the scouts like you this year, they’ll love you once you’ve graduated and had more time to hone your skills.

        When it comes to music, books and television, yea I get down with 50 Cent, pick up a little erotica and watch rated R movies, but I do so when I’m alone.  I don’t expose my child to those elements because I know that kids are easily influenced.  They can hear, see or read the wrong thing and it will stick with them for life.  Our children are exposed to any and everything. Why?  Because we want them to be tough.

        They’re children.  It’s not their job to be tough.  That’s why God made you the parent.  You’re suppose to be the tough one.  Stop selling our sons this bullshit that they can’t cry and they need to sow their oats.  That’s a load of crap.  Stop teaching girls to hang on to men who treat them like crap just because he looks good and has a little bit of change in his pocket.  If he’s not willing to put some change in his life then leave him.

         If he was such a good man, he would go to church with you, wait until marriage and show you some real respect.  It’s time to take back our race Black people!!  All of our issues are not someone else’s fault.  We need to step up our game and get with the program.

         Let your children know that gangs aren’t good.  If they want brotherhood, they can join a fraternity or boy scouts.  And it’s not snitching when you help bring criminals to justice.  It’s called cleaning up your neighborhood and protecting your family.  Why is it that protecting people who hurt others is looked upon as a good thing?  There is no street code unless you’re talking about zoning.

         I mean seriously people.  We have created all these crazy  things and rules that have only enslaved us again.  Only this time we are enslaved to ourselves.  With Black history month already here and our death toll rising, I challenge us as a people to take a stand.  Start a neighborhood watch group.  If you know Joe down the street selling crack to teenagers, send in an anonymous tip to the police.

         Single parents, stop taking jobs that require you  to be away from your kids.  There are jobs out there during school hours and there are after school programs that you can put your kids in rather than leaving them to their own devices.   If need be go back to school and get a degree so that you can get a better job.  Education is only as important as you make it.

        And finally, stop letting celebrities be your child’s role model.  That’s your job.  If your child is looking to Chris Brown to show him how to treat a woman, you’ve got a problem.  Celebrities are suppose to entertain us.  Don’t let your kids get it twisted.

    Let’s go forth and reform!!!!!
    Happy Black History Month

  • A Few Good Men

    Hello everyone out there,

         So, I was reading the Black Love issue (December ’09) of Essence Magazine.  As I was reading, I stumbled across Real Talk, an interview by their relationships editor Demetria Lucas in which she talked with “5 single alpha-male Black men.”  I was very intrigued by some of the things these few good men had to say.  Therefore, without further delay here is my response and take on what I read.

         Well, the first subject Lucas inquired about was the age old question of why are so many Black women single?  Right off the bad three (Joel, Wes and Norman) out of the five men claimed that we as Black women have standards that are too high for Black men to reach.  Norman (26) went so far as to say, “They have an entitled attitude like, I deserve this. I deserve that. No, you don’t!”

         Dear Norman,  didn’t you ever listen to ‘I Deserve’ by Tank.  Just like he deserved everything bad that happened to him because he stepped out on his good Black woman, I deserve everything wonderful for being such a wonderful and hardworking Black woman.  When I’m in a relationship with a guy, I certainly feel like I’m entitled to certain things such as monogamy, honesty, loyalty, love and your attention.  As far as, Black women having standards that are too high, I think more Black men can benefit from thinking more in terms of how Rich and Wes think.

         Rich said that he loves women with high standards because he has to up his game to get her.  And as Wes simply put it, “The men are just not on par.”  I mean really have no Black men ever watched the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo?  Those women feel like they are entitled to only the best and most of them are White.  So, why is it that we as Black women get a bad wrap for feeling the same way?

         I mean seriously, if you’re trying to talk to a Black woman that’s independent, on her grind and has her life together, you damn skippy she feels entitled to only the best.  You better get like Wes and Rich and up your game homie.  I was kind of appalled when Joel suggested that “women should lower their standards and give brothers a chance.”  WTF?!  Why should I have to lower my standards just so you can feel like you’ve got a shot at love with me?  I’m not Tila Tequila son.

         If you feel like I’m out of your reach then that means:

    1-You’re lazy and not willing to take on a challenge when you’re face to face with one;
    2-I probably am out of your reach and you did a good thing by not even stepping to me;
    or 3-You’re not truly ready for love.  If you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it.
         Moving on, the next question addressed the issue of why so many Black men date White chicks over their own Nubian queens.  Once again, I applaud Joel for putting it our there that this whole idea that Black women are always up in your business while White girls are passive and just let you get away with shit is a stereotype created by society.  We all see what happened to O.J., Kobe and now Tiger Woods for buying into that myth.  Of course, Norman felt like the reason was because Black women don’t know how to meet their man halfway.  Personally, I feel like Norman is on some other shit.  Compromising is not a race thing.  I see he’s bought into the myth a little bit.  White girls will bust your balls and the windows out your Escalade just as hard and quick as a Black woman will sir.
         Compromising is something you learn.  Each relationship is different.  Maybe, I compromised this in my last few relationships and found that compromising on that specific thing didn’t work out.  While it’s not your fault, don’t be insensitive and expect me to make the compromise again after I’ve told you why I’m not doing it.  Prove yourself and give me a reason to believe you’re different.  In other words, give me something worth compromising for.  Then men please come out of the mindset that compromising is the woman’s job.  Yeah, you might be the head of the house, but giving in now and then won’t change that.
         Hell, if anything it will inspire us.  We’ll be like ‘oh he did that for me, so maybe I can do this for him.’  Compromise is a two way street.  Learn that!  When asked if Black men had quality options amongst Black women in regards to us being wife material, I think that Brian’s response started well, but quickly turned South.
         I agreed with him pointing out that a lot of Black men are turned off towards the idea of putting a ring on it because of their parents poor relationship model.  But when started saying that listening to his friend talk about how miserably unhappy he was with his wife since they got married, I thought you’re crazy and I need to meet that friend.  Every marriage is unique, just because your friend is unhappy doesn’t mean you will be the same.  And to the friend, I would like to ask-Weren’t you happy with her while you dating and romancing?  Yes?  Well, what’s the problem now?
         See a lot of people are under the misguided assumption that when you get married you’re suppose to change who you are.  Not the case.  Marriage is just making your relationship secure in the sight of God and legal in the sight of the law.  It doesn’t mean that you should stop doing the things that attracted you both to each other and ultimately got you down the aisle.  Your demeanor should be the same as it was before you said ‘I do.’
         Brian’s third excuse for not wanting to get married was because “there are a lot of beautiful women out here and if you’re married, you miss out on opportunities.”  What opportunities?  Clearly, he could benefit from some therapy sessions to help battle his commitment phobia.  I’m all for dating and seeing what’s out there, but let’s face it your fear will only make for a lot of lonely days and nights when you’re old.  He can enjoy the bootylicious honeys now, but when he starts getting wrinkles and balding not to mention ED, those “opportunities” as he called them will be scarce and very few.
         I think Rich and Wes had the best response when it came explaining what they wanted a marriage to be.  “It’s an emotional and a business partnership” with someone who won’t detract from your goals. I couldn’t agree more.  You need more than just love.  Love is fleeting in our society.
         Well, ladies have you ever wondered why you haven’t been approached by a keeper yet?  According to the guys being obnoxiously loud, trying too hard for attention, not leaving enough to imagination and entertaining every man that hollas are huge turn offs.  Instead, the guys insist that we should keep it “simple and classy”, don’t act bourgeois, and be selective of the men we mingle with.  Every guy who steps to you doesn’t need to get playing time.  Good guys embrace a challenge and you’re too busy letting Pimping Curl and his boys spit some game in your ear, then you’re going to come off as easy and willing to settle for less than your worth.
        Oh and lose the hating friends.  They said that they have walked away from many good women because the bitter friend got in the way.  So, tell all the bitter friends to let you handle your business and check their attitudes at the door.  Who knows they might get some good guy attention if hate wasn’t oozing from their pores.
         And when it comes to sex, surprisingly none of them were looking for a woman who could “swing from the chandeliers.”  You just need to be open to trying new things (different positions, oral sex, etc).  Wes and Joel say that just putting on nice lingerie is enough to keep your man satisfied.   Guys are visual creatures.  In addition, it helps to throw on one of his shirts and just walk around in it with a little booty hanging out the bottom.  Bottom line is just loosen up in the bedroom ladies and keep it sexy.
        The million dollar was “What will it take for a guy to put a ring it?”  Not much really.  Brian says we should be independent.  Norman wants his future wife to be able to keep him check and to set rules.  Don’t let your man walk all over you.  Have big dreams and actually pursue them.  Last but not least support your man’s dreams and truly believe in his vision.
         Overall, I certainly walked away from the article with a few pointers and some fresh insight as to what the Black men of today want.  I will keep those pointers in mind as I continue to navigate the dating field.  And hopefully my sistas will do the same.

  • A Few Good Men

    Hello everyone out there,

         So, I was reading the Black Love issue (December ’09) of Essence Magazine.  As I was reading, I stumbled across Real Talk, an interview by their relationships editor Demetria Lucas in which she talked with “5 single alpha-male Black men.”  I was very intrigued by some of the things these few good men had to say.  Therefore, without further delay here is my response and take on what I read.

         Well, the first subject Lucas inquired about was the age old question of why are so many Black women single?  Right off the bad three (Joel, Wes and Norman) out of the five men claimed that we as Black women have standards that are too high for Black men to reach.  Norman (26) went so far as to say, “They have an entitled attitude like, I deserve this. I deserve that. No, you don’t!”

         Dear Norman,  didn’t you ever listen to ‘I Deserve’ by Tank.  Just like he deserved everything bad that happened to him because he stepped out on his good Black woman, I deserve everything wonderful for being such a wonderful and hardworking Black woman.  When I’m in a relationship with a guy, I certainly feel like I’m entitled to certain things such as monogamy, honesty, loyalty, love and your attention.  As far as, Black women having standards that are too high, I think more Black men can benefit from thinking more in terms of how Rich and Wes think.

         Rich said that he loves women with high standards because he has to up his game to get her.  And as Wes simply put it, “The men are just not on par.”  I mean really have no Black men ever watched the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo?  Those women feel like they are entitled to only the best and most of them are White.  So, why is it that we as Black women get a bad wrap for feeling the same way?

         I mean seriously, if you’re trying to talk to a Black woman that’s independent, on her grind and has her life together, you damn skippy she feels entitled to only the best.  You better get like Wes and Rich and up your game homie.  I was kind of appalled when Joel suggested that “women should lower their standards and give brothers a chance.”  WTF?!  Why should I have to lower my standards just so you can feel like you’ve got a shot at love with me?  I’m not Tila Tequila son.

         If you feel like I’m out of your reach then that means:

    1-You’re lazy and not willing to take on a challenge when you’re face to face with one;
    2-I probably am out of your reach and you did a good thing by not even stepping to me;
    or 3-You’re not truly ready for love.  If you want something bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get it.
         Moving on, the next question addressed the issue of why so many Black men date White chicks over their own Nubian queens.  Once again, I applaud Joel for putting it our there that this whole idea that Black women are always up in your business while White girls are passive and just let you get away with shit is a stereotype created by society.  We all see what happened to O.J., Kobe and now Tiger Woods for buying into that myth.  Of course, Norman felt like the reason was because Black women don’t know how to meet their man halfway.  Personally, I feel like Norman is on some other shit.  Compromising is not a race thing.  I see he’s bought into the myth a little bit.  White girls will bust your balls and the windows out your Escalade just as hard and quick as a Black woman will sir.
         Compromising is something you learn.  Each relationship is different.  Maybe, I compromised this in my last few relationships and found that compromising on that specific thing didn’t work out.  While it’s not your fault, don’t be insensitive and expect me to make the compromise again after I’ve told you why I’m not doing it.  Prove yourself and give me a reason to believe you’re different.  In other words, give me something worth compromising for.  Then men please come out of the mindset that compromising is the woman’s job.  Yeah, you might be the head of the house, but giving in now and then won’t change that.
         Hell, if anything it will inspire us.  We’ll be like ‘oh he did that for me, so maybe I can do this for him.’  Compromise is a two way street.  Learn that!  When asked if Black men had quality options amongst Black women in regards to us being wife material, I think that Brian’s response started well, but quickly turned South.
         I agreed with him pointing out that a lot of Black men are turned off towards the idea of putting a ring on it because of their parents poor relationship model.  But when started saying that listening to his friend talk about how miserably unhappy he was with his wife since they got married, I thought you’re crazy and I need to meet that friend.  Every marriage is unique, just because your friend is unhappy doesn’t mean you will be the same.  And to the friend, I would like to ask-Weren’t you happy with her while you dating and romancing?  Yes?  Well, what’s the problem now?
         See a lot of people are under the misguided assumption that when you get married you’re suppose to change who you are.  Not the case.  Marriage is just making your relationship secure in the sight of God and legal in the sight of the law.  It doesn’t mean that you should stop doing the things that attracted you both to each other and ultimately got you down the aisle.  Your demeanor should be the same as it was before you said ‘I do.’
         Brian’s third excuse for not wanting to get married was because “there are a lot of beautiful women out here and if you’re married, you miss out on opportunities.”  What opportunities?  Clearly, he could benefit from some therapy sessions to help battle his commitment phobia.  I’m all for dating and seeing what’s out there, but let’s face it your fear will only make for a lot of lonely days and nights when you’re old.  He can enjoy the bootylicious honeys now, but when he starts getting wrinkles and balding not to mention ED, those “opportunities” as he called them will be scarce and very few.
         I think Rich and Wes had the best response when it came explaining what they wanted a marriage to be.  “It’s an emotional and a business partnership” with someone who won’t detract from your goals. I couldn’t agree more.  You need more than just love.  Love is fleeting in our society.
         Well, ladies have you ever wondered why you haven’t been approached by a keeper yet?  According to the guys being obnoxiously loud, trying too hard for attention, not leaving enough to imagination and entertaining every man that hollas are huge turn offs.  Instead, the guys insist that we should keep it “simple and classy”, don’t act bourgeois, and be selective of the men we mingle with.  Every guy who steps to you doesn’t need to get playing time.  Good guys embrace a challenge and you’re too busy letting Pimping Curl and his boys spit some game in your ear, then you’re going to come off as easy and willing to settle for less than your worth.
        Oh and lose the hating friends.  They said that they have walked away from many good women because the bitter friend got in the way.  So, tell all the bitter friends to let you handle your business and check their attitudes at the door.  Who knows they might get some good guy attention if hate wasn’t oozing from their pores.
         And when it comes to sex, surprisingly none of them were looking for a woman who could “swing from the chandeliers.”  You just need to be open to trying new things (different positions, oral sex, etc).  Wes and Joel say that just putting on nice lingerie is enough to keep your man satisfied.   Guys are visual creatures.  In addition, it helps to throw on one of his shirts and just walk around in it with a little booty hanging out the bottom.  Bottom line is just loosen up in the bedroom ladies and keep it sexy.
        The million dollar was “What will it take for a guy to put a ring it?”  Not much really.  Brian says we should be independent.  Norman wants his future wife to be able to keep him check and to set rules.  Don’t let your man walk all over you.  Have big dreams and actually pursue them.  Last but not least support your man’s dreams and truly believe in his vision.
         Overall, I certainly walked away from the article with a few pointers and some fresh insight as to what the Black men of today want.  I will keep those pointers in mind as I continue to navigate the dating field.  And hopefully my sistas will do the same.

  • Hello World! It’s me.

    So, I’m kinda new to this whole blogging thing. I’ve always had an interest in doing one.  It took me a while to finally come around and decide to do one. Not because I was afraid, but because I just didn’t know what to say.  Then it hit me that I read like a boat load of blogs everyday.  Everything from celebrity blogs to blogs created by some of my closest friends.

    And they all talk about anything.  I think that I was under the misguided impression that blogs needed to follow a specific set of guidelines or something.  And they don’t.  Blogging is a way of self expression and I certainly have a lot of that.  Having taken creative writing classes in high school and college (shout out to all my JWU peeps), I’ve successfully honed my ability to express myself through the written word.

    So, if you’re wondering what this blog is going to be about, the simplest answer I can give you is–everything. As you will find if you continue to read my blog on a regular basis, I have an opinion about everything under the sun.  Not to mention the fact that I’m a somewhat newly single mom of one very busy little angel.  That only tells you there will be plenty of stuff on here about our trials and struggles, highs and lows, etc.  You know how moms are about their kids.  We can never talk enough about them. LOL.

    But anyways, I feel like I’m starting ramble.  I hope that what I will have to say in the coming months, years, decades or however long I continue to write this will either help, inspire, touch or motivate a reader or two.

    Be Empowered,
    Me