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Someday Never Comes

“Many women enter motherhood with low self-esteem, focusing on the negative, feeling inferior and inadequate, always dwelling on reasons why they can’t be happy. Others put off their happiness till some future date. Unfortunately, ‘someday’ never comes.“

~Joel Osteen

My first pregnancy was not even close to being a fairy-tale. I had to quit my job, find health insurance, deal with my mom’s disappointment and save my fragile relationship. My self-esteem was beyond low. It was shot to hell actually.

And being jobless with a baby on the way certainly made me feel inadequate about being able to raise a child. I wanted to be happy (and was to a certain extinct) but reason after reason and issue after issue kept raining on my parade. I learned quickly that I couldn’t rely on others (including my own mother) to inspire a little bit of happiness. Don’t get me wrong…I love my mom and she loves me. Our bond is amazing and the only person who knows her better than herself and I is God. (She will and has confirmed this statement.)

However, the night I told her I was pregnant will always be the most bittersweet of my life. My sisters, who were accompanying her, squealed with delight as she read aloud my pregnancy test results from the doctor. My mom’s face had this look as if I had just told her I was going to prison. She didn’t smile or say congratulations.

In fact, she stayed eerily quiet. She felt like I was reliving her mistakes. Here I was twenty-two, not married, living with my fiance of 3 years and trying to finish school and pursue my dreams. Now I had just added a baby to the mix. She made no effort to hide her disappointment.

I was heartbroken. While I wasn’t exactly planning on having a child before marriage, it happened. I didn’t regret it either. I was after all having unprotected sex. I knew the risk and accepted the responsibility for my actions. I was a grown woman no longer living under my mother’s roof.

I felt myself drowning in depression. I kept thinking that someday things would get better. I convinced myself that this was my punishment for not living as close to God’s will as I was suppose to and all my other past sins. Weeks turned into months and eventually I delivered Moo. A rainbow of joy seemed to envelope me until doom set in again when my fiance and I split.

Shortly after Moo’s first birthday, I was sitting at home reflecting on my life. I was at rock bottom emotionally. In my sitting still and staring at Moo while she napped, I realized someday was never coming. I was just sitting around on my ass waiting for happiness to appear out of thin air. It was as if things would magically improve.

You see happiness takes work and learning to accept the current state of my life. Through that acceptance, I could enact plans to change those things that were holding me back. You see happiness doesn’t come from others, money or things. It comes from hard work, getting rid of the stumbling blocks and living the best life for yourself.

My journey to inner happiness has included removing negative people from my life, forgiving those who hurt me and myself, asking others to forgive me and working hard to live right according to my religious beliefs. I’ve also been proactive at working to make my dreams come true. The road gets bumpy but I no longer sit around waiting for a day that doesn’t exist. The next second is not promised to anyone. So we must make the present count at all times.

If you want to be genuinely happy examine your life. What are your expecting others to do that you can do for yourself? What is holding you back from living the life you dream of? Make a list and then get to action. Sitting on your butt waiting for ‘someday’ will cause you to miss out on your life, family, future and most of all your happiness.

July 10, 2011
Guest Post: Preparing for Life with Twins

I am a young newlywed and pregnant for the first time. While this is an exciting time, I recently learned that I am expecting twins, and I find that I am suddenly filled with worries that I had not anticipated. I have twin brothers, so I was not altogether surprised to learn that I was expecting two, but I am surprised at the level of anxiety that I am starting to feel, and the way that it seems to be growing exponentially with every passing day.

Being a first-time mother, you would think that I would be terrified of the pregnancy and delivery of twins. I will be trying for a natural delivery and already have a doula lined up. I realize that there is a chance I may have to have a C-section, but my mother was able to deliver her twins vaginally, and my obstetrician seems fairly optimistic that I will be able to do it too. Maybe it’s because I have heard so many stories of my brothers’ birth, or maybe I’m just naïve, but it’s not the birth that worries me.

What I’m starting to panic about is what life will be like after the birth. My husband and I have grown used to it just being the two of us, and it is nearly impossible for me to imagine what it will be like when the size of our family doubles. As things stand now, we have a nice, tidy life. We have leather couches and framed artwork, a deck and outdoor furniture that overlooks a meticulous garden, and cars that still have that new-car smell. Will all of this change? Will our couches soon have rips and stains and our artwork be hanging askew? Will my garden become overrun with weeds and our cars smell like spilled milk and stale Cheerios?

Somehow, I don’t think that any of this will matter. I will have far more important things to worry about than material possessions, like…oh, I don’t know…the health, happiness and well-being of our two beautiful daughters. I doubt that I will have time to worry about silly things like these once the girls are here. Maybe all of these paranoid fears and fantasies are my body’s way of preparing for the reality of life with twins, almost as if to get it all out of the way now so as not to stress out when they are here.

I have tried to talk some sense into myself, but I can’t stop my mind from creating scenarios in which my carefully-built life comes crashing around me in a chaotic mess of twisted metal and broken baby bottles. Every time I buy two of something, those fears seem more and more ridiculous, and it is my hope that they will eventually go away, replaced with the excitement and joy that I feel every time I envision what my daughters will look like, or what the look on my husband’s face will be the first time he cradles them in his arms. Those emotions are the ones I will cling to as I prepare for life as the mother of twins.

Tiffany Monaco is an elementary school teacher and mommy-to-be of twins who lives and loves in the deep South. When not teaching, she spends her time blogging, cooking Cajun foods, and doing home improvement projects. Find out more on her blog at: http;//www.instructionsoptional.com or follow her on Twitter: @tiffmonaco

July 9, 2011
Guest Post: Preparing for Life with Twins

I am a young newlywed and pregnant for the first time. While this is an exciting time, I recently learned that I am expecting twins, and I find that I am suddenly filled with worries that I had not anticipated. I have twin brothers, so I was not altogether surprised to learn that I was expecting two, but I am surprised at the level of anxiety that I am starting to feel, and the way that it seems to be growing exponentially with every passing day.

Being a first-time mother, you would think that I would be terrified of the pregnancy and delivery of twins. I will be trying for a natural delivery and already have a doula lined up. I realize that there is a chance I may have to have a C-section, but my mother was able to deliver her twins vaginally, and my obstetrician seems fairly optimistic that I will be able to do it too. Maybe it’s because I have heard so many stories of my brothers’ birth, or maybe I’m just naïve, but it’s not the birth that worries me.

What I’m starting to panic about is what life will be like after the birth. My husband and I have grown used to it just being the two of us, and it is nearly impossible for me to imagine what it will be like when the size of our family doubles. As things stand now, we have a nice, tidy life. We have leather couches and framed artwork, a deck and outdoor furniture that overlooks a meticulous garden, and cars that still have that new-car smell. Will all of this change? Will our couches soon have rips and stains and our artwork be hanging askew? Will my garden become overrun with weeds and our cars smell like spilled milk and stale Cheerios?

Somehow, I don’t think that any of this will matter. I will have far more important things to worry about than material possessions, like…oh, I don’t know…the health, happiness and well-being of our two beautiful daughters. I doubt that I will have time to worry about silly things like these once the girls are here. Maybe all of these paranoid fears and fantasies are my body’s way of preparing for the reality of life with twins, almost as if to get it all out of the way now so as not to stress out when they are here.

I have tried to talk some sense into myself, but I can’t stop my mind from creating scenarios in which my carefully-built life comes crashing around me in a chaotic mess of twisted metal and broken baby bottles. Every time I buy two of something, those fears seem more and more ridiculous, and it is my hope that they will eventually go away, replaced with the excitement and joy that I feel every time I envision what my daughters will look like, or what the look on my husband’s face will be the first time he cradles them in his arms. Those emotions are the ones I will cling to as I prepare for life as the mother of twins.

Tiffany Monaco is an elementary school teacher and mommy-to-be of twins who lives and loves in the deep South. When not teaching, she spends her time blogging, cooking Cajun foods, and doing home improvement projects. Find out more on her blog at: http;//www.instructionsoptional.com or follow her on Twitter: @tiffmonaco

July 9, 2011
Thankful Thursday

I am finally back home after an almost three week stay at my mom’s house. I have missed you all and not being able to interact and blog as much as I wanted to. Anyways, I just want to jump right into Thankful Thursday and say that I am thankful for the time I did get to spend with my family. They were all surprised by how much JJ had grown and changed. I am thankful that we were all able to come together and celebrate my niece’s 6th birthday yesterday!!

We had a blast. I have lots of pics and crazy videos that I have been sworn to keep private. LOL. However, I might just have to post a few to YouTube. Just kidding. But I’m already anticipating the next birthday in our family. I got stuffed full of pizza, ice cream and juice. Yes, I will have to start working our harder for real to shed those pounds.

I am thankful that JJ got to bond with his grandma, aunties and cousin during our visit. I think that he will certainly remember them the next time we go down. Babies are a little apprehensive about anybody other than mommy and daddy for the first couple of weeks. So, this time away from home really helped him adjust better to them.

I am thankful that I had safe trip back home. We had a really nasty storm before we left and are expected to have more rainy weather later today. However, God was with us and allowed the weather to stay clear our entire ride back home. I am thankful that JJ went back to his normal sleeping through the night schedule and that he slept in his bassinet. He did not sleep a wink during the night at my mom’s.

I am also thankful that I got to wake up to my loving husband this morning after weeks apart. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and they’re right.

What do you have to be thankful for this week?

July 7, 2011
Romance Wednesday: Catering To My Spouse

Ladies, I know that we love to get pampered. Most of us have biweekly appointments at the hair salon, weekly appointments at the nail shop and monthly visits fot the spa. We also like being pampered by our spouses. Whether it’s a new purse, jewelry or a surprise dinner to your favorite restaurant, we expect these things to be done on a regular basis. Well, what about our spouses?

Men like to be pampered or catered to as well. Like many women, I was under the misunderstanding that men weren’t really into receiving a lot of attention. I thought that as long as you kept their stomachs full and happy in the bedroom it was all good. Not so. In fact, I discovered that my husband’s love language was to be showered with attention. Again, I think this goes back his childhood and not being shown attention or much love by his parents and then ending up in foster care.

Anyways, one of the first things I did for my husband was take him to a Miami Heat game back in 2007. Being originally from Miami, I knew he was a huge fan. And I didn’t just get any tickets either. I got us court side tickets. We were only two rows from being on the floor. Yea, the tickets were expensitve but once I added up all the dinners, movies, hair salon visits and trips to nail salon he’d footed the bill for, it was quite a small fortune.

I still remember the look of excitement on his face when I told him that I had gotten him tickets to the game. His face lit up like a kid in a candy store whose parents said go crazy, the bill is on us. LOL. No one had ever taken the time to really pay enough attention to things that he liked. I learned that catering to my husband was more than just serving him a home cooked meal. It means catering to all his needs and most of his wants. It means showing him the attention that he deserves.

Think about it. When was the last time you catered to your spouse outside the kitchen or bedroom?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juqws1LIH-I]

July 6, 2011
Romance Wednesday: Love Letters

In today’s society love letters are almost extinct in most relationships. Long gone are the days of waking up to find a little love note laying on your pillow. Well, in my household I am fighting to keep this ancient art alive. As you can tell, I am very good with expressing myself through the written word.

My husband did not grow in the most loving environment as a child. And being in foster care he never really got to witness what a great marriage could be like. That portrait of how a man should love a woman wasn’t painted for him. Hell, he barely felt the love that parents and relatives should have for a child.

Thus, he tends to need to be reassured that he is loved and that I am still in love with him. And what better way to do so than through a love letter. Our relationship has weathered many storms but through them all I never fell out of love with my husband. He is one of a kind.

And strive everyday to let him know it. There’s nothing I enjoy more than sitting down with nice stationery and pouring my heart out to him. In that moment I feel so uninhibited. And the rush of emotions I get from watching read why letters is indescribable.

I try to surprise him. I might leave them in his lunch bag, on the driver seat of the car, the bed, etc. I’ve even mailed him love letters. I hope that we can pass this art on to our children.

Our boys and girls need to know the proper techniques to express their love. So many of them feel they have to turn to sex and you don’t. A love letter is just as intimate. It gets right to the point.

When was the last time you wrote your spouse a love letter?

June 29, 2011
Hanging With Grandma

Sorry that I have been missing in action. I am down at my mom’s and the kids are enjoying hanging out with Grandma. She had been complaining about how she hadn’t seen them in so long. Plus, she needed my help with something.

Anyway, we’re here and loving being around family. JJ is quite the celebrity. LOL. Everybody is so taken with him. They can’t believe how big he has gotten since they saw him last.

We have been having some challenges though. It seems that my little man has developed colic. I googled it and found out that a change in environment can trigger it. And this is certainly a change in environment for him. There’s more noise, action, etc.

I have been trying gripe water. It did well that first night but not so much the next. So, we have been having some major crying sessions. One of my aunts suggested that I blow smoke down his shirt over his belly. I am not the least bit keen on that solution.

I have seen it done before though. My mom and her sisters were raised using a lot of Native American remedies instead of medicine because their grandmother was Indian and that’s how she raised their mom. When I posted this suggestion of Facebook and Twitter, I got a lot of people calling my aunts crazy. However, the use of smoke whether from burning herbs or tobacco was and is still a huge part of Native American traditions.

I am not exactly comfortable with those traditions but I don’t knock them because they worked. I simply realize that I will have to pick and choose which traditions to use with my family. I want to expose Moo and JJ to as much of our family culture as possible. Hopefully, you all will have some suggestions on what worked to help with colic if your baby ever experienced it.

Being at my mom’s means that I am away from my hubby. I miss him and can’t wait to get home. This is the hard part about living in a different state than your family. Anyways, I am going to announce the winners of the Country Bob giveaway tomorrow. I wanted to try to do it in a vlog but my mom doesn’t have a webcam and I left my laptop.

Hope that you all are enjoying your summer still and had a wonderful weekend.

June 28, 2011
TGIF Blog Hop

Welcome to Thank Goodness Its Friday! Our linky will open every Thursday night so you can join us for Thank Goodness Its Friday, also known as TGIF. Let’s make some new blogging friends and celebrate the end of a wonderful week!

Would you like to be featured as our Guest Host for theTGIF blog hop? Just fill out this form by clicking here. We are promoting growing blogs with less than 500 followers.

To join us in the Thank Goodness Its Friday Blog Hop, follow these 3 easy steps!

#1 Follow your three hosts via GFC and leave them a comment on their blog to let them know you are following from the TGIF blog hop (if you already follow via GFC, follow on facebook, twitter, or networked blogs)

“

#2 Follow our guest hosts, Amanda, from Mommy’s Opinions, Monica at A Mother’s Touch, and Elizabeth from YUMMommy.

#3 Add your blog to the linky

#4 Follow the 2 blogs directly above yours and leave a comment letting them know you are following from TGIF Blog Hop.

Then, please stop by as many blogs as you can.

We’d love it if you would place the button to the Blog Hop somewhere on your page, whether it’s on your sidebar, a “Blog Hops” page, or a separate post. Please help us support this blog hop!

Have fun and remember to stop by again next week!

http://www.inlinkz.com/cs.php?id=61901

June 23, 2011
TGIF Blog Hop

Welcome to Thank Goodness Its Friday! Our linky will open every Thursday night so you can join us for Thank Goodness Its Friday, also known as TGIF. Let’s make some new blogging friends and celebrate the end of a wonderful week!

Would you like to be featured as our Guest Host for theTGIF blog hop? Just fill out this form by clicking here. We are promoting growing blogs with less than 500 followers.

To join us in the Thank Goodness Its Friday Blog Hop, follow these 3 easy steps!

#1 Follow your three hosts via GFC and leave them a comment on their blog to let them know you are following from the TGIF blog hop (if you already follow via GFC, follow on facebook, twitter, or networked blogs)

“

#2 Follow our guest hosts, Amanda, from Mommy’s Opinions, Monica at A Mother’s Touch, and Elizabeth from YUMMommy.

#3 Add your blog to the linky

#4 Follow the 2 blogs directly above yours and leave a comment letting them know you are following from TGIF Blog Hop.

Then, please stop by as many blogs as you can.

We’d love it if you would place the button to the Blog Hop somewhere on your page, whether it’s on your sidebar, a “Blog Hops” page, or a separate post. Please help us support this blog hop!

Have fun and remember to stop by again next week!

http://www.inlinkz.com/cs.php?id=61901

June 23, 2011
Thankful Thursday

Welcome to this week’s edition of Thankful Thursday. I can’t express how important it is for me take a day out of my week and just express my graditude and humblness for all that God has done and is doing in my life. In last couple of days, several people from my hometown have been passed away. Sad to say that almost all of them were killed in some kind of car wreck. Just hearing about so many people that I know die so young makes me even more grateful.

So, this week I am especially thankful for still having my life, health and strength. I am thankful to have my family and that they are all in good health as well. I am thankful to be back home and enjoying their company. They are all excited to see how big JJ has grown. They can’t believe that he’s already doubled his weight and looks so different than when they saw him a few weeks ago. I am sure he will be somewhat spoiled by the time we go back home Sunday.

Speaking of JJ, I am thankful that he is five weeks and healthy. As any parent knows, anything can happen to your kids. This first year is especially dangerous for them. There are so many germs and illnesses that can cause them be very sick. Thankfully, JJ hasn’t caught anything and everybody has been cautious of making sure that their hands and stuff are clean before interacting with him. It means a lot when your family is proactive about helping your baby stay healthy as well. I have known some people to get offended when asked to santize their hands before handling a baby.

I am thankful that Moo is still very in love with her little brother. She’s not threatened by his presence at all. I was very worried that she’d resent him for stealing her spotlight. However, she still gets her spotlight from Grandma and everyone else. In fact, she likes to show her little brother off by asking everybody if they’ve seen him. It’s really cute. I hope that she continues to feel loved and appreciated by us.

As many of you know, I have been working as a freelance writer full-time for a while a now. Let me just say that this is not a career for the faint of heart. It has taken me a year and some change to finally start getting an almost steady stream of offers and opportunities coming in. I’m not even close to being rich or making enough money for my family to live off of month to month, but I am making money that is going towards rebuilding our emergency/down payment fund. I am thankful that if need be I can contribute to gas for our car, money towards groceries and other expenses.

I’ve always been very independent. The transition from a working outside the home to being a stay at home mom was quite the adjustment for me. However, it was well worth it. And I am thankful that I have had this time to start this blog, interact with you all and pursue my dreams again. I am glad and thankful to announce again that I got my first article published by Yahoo! (Check it out here.)

It’s blessing. The door is now open for me to write more pieces for them and get paid. As long as my articles keep getting views I will continue to make money off of them for months and years to come. I am very thankful for this opportunity to reach millions and to share what I have learned. One of my biggest dreams has always been to be in a position where I am able to inspire, help, motivate, etc. And freelance writing with Yahoo is giving me that chance.

So, I hope that you all will continue to support me over there. If you haven’t read my article on ways that my family and I save money, I encourage you to head on over and do so. While you’re there please feel free to retweet, share on Facebook and click the Helpful button. The more exposure I get, the more people I can reach and touch.

Last but not least, I am thankful that YUMMommy is growing. I’m getting more readers and supporters. I’ve had people approach me on Twitter to ask if they can guest post about parenting and to ask me to guest post and netework with them also. It’s just so humbling to feel the love and support you all have for me and my writing. Please don’t think for a minute that I take it for granted because I don’t. So, continue to comment and visit.

I will be doing more giveaways to show my appreciation because it goes both ways. I do think you all should be rewarded every now and then for commenting and reading my stuff. I promis I’m not going to turn this into one of those review and giveway only blogs. I have too much to say and share to ever do that.

What are you thankful for this week? Has anything happened in your life to remind you how fortunate you are?

June 23, 2011